Untitled Rant

I'm tired guys. It goes without saying I hate Virginia. More specifically I hate the Norfolk area.

Today, while sitting in stop and go traffic, thinking about my stop and go life, I wished I could be doing anything other than stopping... and subsequently going. For anyone who is in the same area as me, which is probably any and all of you sad fuckers reading this, you feel my pain. I literally banged my head on my car horn today and left it there to blare for a good 30 seconds, hoping to find that the person who was sitting in the middle of the intersection of Tidewater and Norview could see, hear, or have anything resembling a pulse. Turns out this person did, and he moved his candy colored Escalade, although too late for me to continue through the light to turn left. This person also gave me the finger and was yelling something. What he had in pulse he lacked in brains, because I obviously can't hear you through your passenger side window, my windshield, and the 10 or so yards of outside ambient noise that separates us, you dumb ass!

Secondly, I would love to go back and find the guy that created the I-64 interstate system (Consisting of I-264, 464, 564, and 646, for all of you not in the know) and kick him, as directly as I can manage, in the testicles. Anyone who has ever sat for an hour in traffic at the Downtown Tunnel or, even more God forsaken, the Hampton Road Bridge Tunnel (HRBT) probably feels the same, and could definitely think of other things to do with his testicles. None of which would be pleasant. Why the fuck would you make a drawbridge immediately followed by a tunnel, or vise versa depending on which way you are traveling? Not only that, but why would you have on and off ramps feeding directly into the tunnel, leaving no room to maneuver (i.e. get over) to allow, I don't know, traffic to flow? And heaven help you if a boat comes and they lift the bridge, which isn't supposed to happen after 5:00 AM, but we've all been sitting there at 7:10 AM as traffic is backed up for 3 miles in both directions. If a nuclear attack happens in America, God forbid, I hope the bomb drops right on the fucking Downtown tunnel.

I pray for the soul that works in Portsmouth and lives in Newport News, causing you to have to traverse the previously mentioned bottlenecked fuck job and the HRBT. Yours is the darkest heart know to mankind. Your eyes are probably blackened raisins of hell set behind knife slit for eyes. The stuff that comes out of your mouth is probably dirtier than the stuff that's been collecting in the bottom of all of our trash bins for the past year put together. I would stay clear of you my friend, because I'm sure you have a gun with a concealed carriers permit, and if you don't shoot someone soon you will. 

I think the worst part about it, other than the wear and tear on your fucking brakes, is the time alone with yourself. Nothing is scarier than a man left alone to his own thoughts. One of the leading reasons why people in the Navy get divorced, other than the fact that all navy wives/spouses are cheating whores, is because navy men and women have to sit in this traffic all day and think about this and many other decisions. 

"Really I married that fucker?"

I'm no different, other than the cheating whore wife part. My wife is awesome! I'm no different because I hate being alone with my thoughts. They're like a good beer that's been poisoned. They start off with everything you want, and then slowly but surely they kill you. Here is an example of a simple, silent train of thought that has been left alone too long.

Man I'd love to go to college and learn how to be a good writer. I've been through so much this past 4 years; I've earned the right. Man, nothing’s going to hold me back from my dreams. I need to start looking at colleges. I wonder how many colleges I should apply for, 2… or 3… maybe 4? I wonder if they will accept me. I wonder if I have anything to offer them to make them want want to accept me. Why was I so stupid, signing up for 6 years instead of 4? Oh yeah, because I'm a no good fuck up that spent his 4 years of high school smoking dope and…

I won't finish this because it leads to a really destructive and self-deprecating path that's not healthy for really anyone involved. But you get the picture. In Virginia these trains of thought are probably even worse because, if you are in Norfolk/Hampton Roads, you are probably there because you are a fuck up. If you aren't then there is something wrong with your head like a brain tumor or peripheral neuropathy. Please seek help as soon as possible from your nearest health care professional, as long as they aren’t from a Navy care facility.

Notice that there is no counter constructive input. This is because there is no one but you, the hardest of all critics, left to input anything. It's like a skinny girl looking into a mirror only to walk away thinking that they're fat, but for a whole hour. 

But that is for another rant.